I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
