Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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