ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
