There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
