Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize