My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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