my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
birth control should be required to get into college
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
