I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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