Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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