"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
