Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
