I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
