Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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