another moral hangover. fuck.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize