she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
