i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I deserve this hangover.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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