And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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