I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
