At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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