There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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