Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
