Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
