I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
