Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
We have started to decorate penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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