Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
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