stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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