Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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