Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
