You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
