You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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