Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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