I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
