She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
