and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
