Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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