I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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