are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
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So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
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Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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