Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
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Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
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I FOUND THE LEGS
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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