that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
