I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize