i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
