Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
