ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
