I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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