you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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