I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize