My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i can't believe i had my finger in that
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
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