You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
