literally had 100 drinks last night.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You know, be my cock's hype man.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
The power of my boobs compel you
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
