I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
