I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
