Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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