in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
