Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
