You made me cry and you don't even care
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
look no pants
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
