so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
