Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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