nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It's rum buckets o'clock
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
