We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
