I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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