please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize